Break or new beginning? At some point in life it happens to everyone: disappointment. The ground is literally ripped open, you often fall into the bottomless space. I didn’t expect things the way they came. Never suspected. A gut shot. Like rain on a wonderful summer day, everything falls on the mind. Manage with that? Either never – or it takes time.
The question then arises: Can we return to old times? Will the new era be more beautiful? Or do you dare to make a new start in a different constellation? There is actually no answer in between: warmed coffee usually doesn’t taste as good as new coffee & forgiving is always a thing. Trust gone – everything gone? Continue to torture yourself and believe in the good? Or start over again… “give away” your heart again – always at the risk of it breaking again? Hard decision…
Disappointments appear everywhere: in love, in professional life, among friends, within the family…
They often have one thing in common: they come suddenly. Hard. Relentless.Suddenly you have to question your relationship structure with the person. Also the trust. Even worse if it has been built up over many years. Wasted time?
This is what happens in love, for example, in marriages that have lasted for years, where the partner suddenly gets to know the “dark side” of their relationship – but it can also happen in short relationships. Something is usually missing in a relationship. The only question is what. Talking about it together is actually a panacea and panacea. Personally, I like it when you can talk about everything: what you’re missing, what you could change – can really be simple quirks that need to be fixed. However, if it’s too much, you should always weigh up: Do I even want that? Can I change myself as a person to please others?
I had to learn that no one out there is perfect. But it has to fit like the famous ass on the bucket. Without pressure or coercion, a relationship should “flow” – babble along like a beautiful stream… always filled with water. Grist for the mill of life – to strengthen each other forever. Sometimes less water flows, that much is clear. But you should be able to bring more water into your togetherness again. Through action, through “showing” how much you love each other…honestly & sincerely giving your all at all times!
Is your relationship harmonized & is everything built on a basis of absolute trust? Do you miss each other a lot when you’re apart & you could cry into the pillow when that happens? Are you not interested in others because you have everything you wanted? Wonderful! Then please hold on to it! Unfortunately, this is too often a “fairytale idea” – of course fairy tales sometimes occur in life; But the evil witch lives there somewhere in the dark, deep forest…
What helps when making decisions in love? Are there any little tricks that make it easier for me?
Yes, there is such a vehicle. To be honest, you should even use this tool from time to time (every six months) even in partnerships that are going well. Playful and funny of course; under the pretext “This will help us learn more about each other.”
With this tool you are always up to date with the latest status of your relationship and future wishes may come to light, which you can then prepare for in the conversation about it. Every person develops. Accordingly, desires and inclinations change over the course of a life. If you don’t talk about it, you may end up living at cross purposes – and that can have tragic consequences for the future of a relationship, no matter how good it is in your eyes.
Break or new beginning?
But let’s get straight to the announced trick: No! In the end, you don’t have to buy a paid e-book here 😉
In my opinion, a so-called “plus-minus list” is helpful (I have already done it many times). . I named her that at some point. Read about it somewhere. It should be psychologically valuable for your own advancement. With this “list” you simply sit on your seat and think about your relationship (even after disappointment): I think you can create this list as a simple table – divided into a plus and a minus area. In the positive area, you simply write down everything that you enjoy so much about your partner, what you like, what is absolutely positive about this person. The immensely important little things also count.
On the negative side – how could it be otherwise – everything that annoys you, what annoys you, what remains unfulfilled. Of course, you write the whole thing for yourself. The partner (preferably in the next room – just no influence please!) does the same.
What do I do with the result? What comes “after”?
At some point the list will be well filled. Look at them from a distance. Does the positive or the negative predominate? Are the negative things easy to get rid of, or are they existential and such drastic negativities (perhaps also unwanted/unchangeable – “bad mother-in-law / yes also the “environment should be taken into account a little etc.) that they will remain standing?
In any case you will come to a result. Obligation afterwards: Show the list to the other person & go through & discuss the individual points.
The nice thing about it: If you have a lot of positive things about your partner, you see yourself and your relationship in an even better light! A pleasant gut feeling spreads – you feel supported and encouraged that maybe everything isn’t so bad after all. Please make sure that all your entries are honest – you shouldn’t put anyone in a blanket here, but simply present it as it really is! Maybe it’s only when you mention a quality on your partner list that you become aware of a strength that you’ve never noticed yourself. Something like that always makes you happy and builds you up!
If there are more negatives than positives on it, you should think about it. Talk together about how you can stop or stop certain things. What you are doing is real relationship work and should be viewed extremely positively! Every person should always develop themselves, regardless of a partnership – it’s only great if the goals, love and understanding of your partner then develops with you and walks alongside you step by step…
Lists or not. Nothing is more difficult than a decision in life. Where will it lead me if I make this or that decision? Will it end well for me or end bitterly? Do I fly or do I crash?
Making a mental decision soberly and with all the facts is always hard. Because one thing always stands in the way:
Your own heart & love!
“Understanding is loving; what we don’t love, we don’t understand; what we don’t understand isn’t there for us.”
(Quote Bettina von Arnim; German Romantic writer + 1859)
So…and now you have to decide…
